I feel like if you want to make a story like this in six chapters, you really have to make your scenes count. Personally I think this would have benefited from more, but shorter scenes for the sake of the story. Longer scenes to convey a certain mood are great when you have a long time to tell the story, but in a shorter one it's going to take away from the things that really matter. So the problem isn't that this was too fast. It's in fact really slow for its format and feels disjointed because of that. And actually it should have been more fast paced, just with more story fit into those six chapters. Or it should have been a long form comic. As it is, we don't get enough story to explain the main character's choices and feelings in my opinion. If Dawn was unhappy enough to escape to Hames' place, why was he so willing to go back immediately, for an instance? I also feel like Dawn falling in love with Hames came a bit out of nowhere too. Additionally, while I can guess Dawn was conditioned not to question things, I wish we'd gotten more reasoning behind him not daring to talk to Hames about his parents. It feels so off that after 12 long years neither of them talk to each other. I can sort of get Hames more, because he thinks Dawn actually got to read the entire letter, but even so... why isn't he curious about the 12 years that passed? It's not that I think their actions are impossible, it's just that they lack substance and reasoning. Some of it you can read between the lines, but not enough. Also we don't get to see why Dawn was saved from the fire? Was it Hames that saved him? And in that case, why was he even there? Or was it just some rando saving him and then Hames was just there when he woke up?
There were also some style inconsistencies I feel were a poor choice; this was supposedly a very heavy and serious comic based on the concept and colours, so it's pretty jarring when chibis and heart effects suddenly appear during the last sex scene. It makes it harder for me to take it seriously, and because the sillyness of those things doesn't fit with the rest of the comic, it makes it feel... cheap.
But with all of that said, most of the scenes themselves are great. The first scene with Hames coming over with the letter and the maid burning it is really well made for an instance. It's just that there should have been more substance, really.
It's just not the best writing tbh.
I feel like if you want to make a story like this in six chapters, you really have to make your scenes count. Personally I think this would have benefited from more, but shorter scenes for the sake of the story. Longer scenes to convey a certain mood are great when you have a long time to tell the story, but in a shorter one it's going to take away from the things that really matter.
So the problem isn't that this was too fast. It's in fact really slow for its format and feels disjointed because of that. And actually it should have been more fast paced, just with more story fit into those six chapters. Or it should have been a long form comic.
As it is, we don't get enough story to explain the main character's choices and feelings in my opinion. If Dawn was unhappy enough to escape to Hames' place, why was he so willing to go back immediately, for an instance? I also feel like Dawn falling in love with Hames came a bit out of nowhere too. Additionally, while I can guess Dawn was conditioned not to question things, I wish we'd gotten more reasoning behind him not daring to talk to Hames about his parents. It feels so off that after 12 long years neither of them talk to each other. I can sort of get Hames more, because he thinks Dawn actually got to read the entire letter, but even so... why isn't he curious about the 12 years that passed?
It's not that I think their actions are impossible, it's just that they lack substance and reasoning. Some of it you can read between the lines, but not enough.
Also we don't get to see why Dawn was saved from the fire? Was it Hames that saved him? And in that case, why was he even there? Or was it just some rando saving him and then Hames was just there when he woke up?
There were also some style inconsistencies I feel were a poor choice; this was supposedly a very heavy and serious comic based on the concept and colours, so it's pretty jarring when chibis and heart effects suddenly appear during the last sex scene. It makes it harder for me to take it seriously, and because the sillyness of those things doesn't fit with the rest of the comic, it makes it feel... cheap.
But with all of that said, most of the scenes themselves are great. The first scene with Hames coming over with the letter and the maid burning it is really well made for an instance.
It's just that there should have been more substance, really.