shoujo_sakura

GANI AHHH LAMI MATAY

Oh reading this in Karel's lenses hurt cuz the man was oblivious to his obsession and didn't realize earlier that his love wasn't helping his love of his life but was hurting him. And I believe Karel was also mentally unhealthy from holding back his desires due to his familial situation. And when he found his love and thought he could posses him, he just threw everything away to finally get what he could never do.

His love was mixed with obsession. It just wasn't just normal infatuation. It was also everything he had kept on hold. Desire that was stronger than anything.

He was a dumb man for having such strong emotion and throwing it to one single man. A man who wasn't well enough to receive it. Because this wouldn't have been such a difficult story if Karel had someone who could receive that strong emotion and just accept it to live life. But it was Sasya who was the receiver and I'll talk more about it in Sasya's section.

Oh what Karel did for Sasya was painful. He gave up his rich life to be ordinary, and his act of sending Sasya
to mental ward while staying with him to make it seem like a vacation was heart wrenching but the nail on the coffin was him sacrificing his life to not make Sasya live a criminal life. He did all of this while Sasya was unaware and Sasya never tried to know more while they were in relationship. He was just receiving his love and never truly thought of doing something in exchange. And I guess that what made me dislike Sasya. Yet I couldn't blame him wholely because he was mentally unwell.┗( T﹏T )┛ and I don't think that would change.

Even though this man did everything, what he was doing wasn't what Sasya needed. There was also the lack of communication (ITS EVERYTHING HELLO??) But Karel was just not understanding enough of Sasya's situation, he focused on his own strong feeling and that was what made their relationship unsuccessful. Putting your loved one on a cage isn't gonna make your love and acts for them aren't gonna make up to it.

So now onto the current Karel. I couldn't blame him for making Sasya suffer, especially after seeing all his pain. I thought he was finally moving on that's why I was confused when backstory shows that he did that for Sasya and that his ass hasn't moved on. I thought the bitterness of everything made him distance himself but no his ass was still on his obsession and was I surprised? No because this man made that his life. But he is contradicting himself because his care plus action is not adding up. Yet I still kinda wish they don't end up - because he doesn't deserve Sasya and Sasya doesn't deserve him.

I really pity this man. His life miserable just because of love.

Now unto Sasya.( Before I proceed with this I'm just gonna say Karel was
also selfish. )

Sasya is a selfish man. Reason as to why I couldn't fully like him(PS I don't like Karel that much either). Maybe I liked Karel more because he was linear with his actions (well that lessened with current Karel haha) while Sasya was more contradicting to himself.

And one thing that made everything of his half hearted action and mistakes understandable was his mental illness. Man was suffering and it was obvious he wasn't capable of loving someone like Karel back. Not only that but being shackled to a small bubble with just him and Karel isn't the life he wished to have. Sasya had a dream which he wishes to grasp with his own hands. A dream where he felt free til he accomplished this he couldn't love someone else. And I don't blame him. Even though Karel did everything, did Sasya need to do the same? It's frustrating but it's the reality. Plus it's not like Sasya asked for what Karel did. But despite letting go of everything, Sasya wishes for Karel to be part of his life and that was his selfish dream. Was it bad? Well, Karel's wasn't that selfless either.

Sasya's past just explains everything. It was just unfortunate that he wasn't mentally well enough and he is not to be blamed for that.

But for me, even if someone was mentally unwell - their acts of hurting others thoughtlessly is not to be excused.

I feel so conflicted with Sasya, I don't blame him for everything because Karel was just as at fault but I couldn't see him as a victim because he was also just as unwilling to see Karel. He was just receiving things and never put a thought to others. He was constantly thinking of himself.

(I'm a bit exhausted cannot add more for now haha)