GrievingSanctuary

Very wonderfully written, so it's very unfortunate to see people who don't understand the complexity of these characters judging the story and the characters in the comments.

Its realistic depiction of depression and abuse really made me emphatize a lot with the characters. On one hand, you have the MC suffering from extreme emotional abuse from the one she loved, never been physically abused but the betrayal is akin to having a dagger piercing your heart multiple times that it destroys you from the inside, you wonder where it all went wrong? Who is actually to blame?

You want to blame the person that is inflicting this pain to you but you can't because of past affections and even the tiniest bit of affection dissipates your resolve. You merely exist, but you're not truly living. At first you're in denial, that you could still make things right, but the longer you continue, the more you contemplate, the more you realize everything is futile and out of your control. And the only way you can gain back control in your life is the choice of how you want to end it.

Then you have the ML, tormented since his adolescence, all sorts of abuse inflicted to him and that was his unescapable reality. He meets the MC who became his ray of light in the darkness but he thinks he's not worthy of it because she had everything he doesn't have, nobility, wealth, love, affection, and innocence. She's also the daughter of the person you despise the most so it adds to his inner conflict in the future.

But somehow he managed to win her over, they both loved each other, but while she continues to live blissfully unaware of everything, the thought keeps haunting him that all of it is just a lie, you love her but you also despise her for her ignorance.

Nonetheless, he still wants to keep her close even if it means both of them are suffering, because it'd be a waste of all his sacrifices just to attain her. He keeps her trapped in an affectionless marriage and refuses to divorce because of his greed.

He both loves and hates her. He lovers her, so why not keep her beside him? He also hates her, so why not make her miserable together with him. He self-sabotages himself with these thoughts because at the end of the day, he led the rebellion that killed her family and ruined her reputation amongst the common people. He is filled with guilt and thinks the MC already lost all his affections for him so he acts like he didn't love her in the first place so it would lessen his guilt but all it does is push the MC to her inevitable end (which only ended up as an attempt, fortunately).

It really shows how a mind of an abuse victim works and that they are also capable of inflicting the same abuse even if they don't mean it due to their lack of proper upbringing, pessimistic views, lack of trust, and awareness of other people's cruel nature which makes them believe they also have to be cruel in order to protect themselves as a defense mechanism. All they've ever known is pain and suffering without any proper guidance, so how would you expect these people to be able to love someone properly when they haven't experienced that for themselves?

The story was also able to properly show the subtle signs of someone who is about to end their life. In MC's case, giving away her last remaining valuable possessions, being emotionless to suddenly being cheerful even over the smallest things since there's nothing for them to worry about anymore, doing things they don't normally do (like when the MC wanted to go to the beach despire ML implying she is afraid of it).

This is because she finally realizes the sins of her ignorance even if she never did anything wrong. Even when she only thought about it but not actually doing it, but now, she has a justification for it. "Ah, I truly did deserve it. Everyone would be happier when I'm gone." is a very common thought amongst suicidal people.

However, the moment she did try to end herself is when the ML finally got his wake-up call. The moment he truly loses her, there will be no going back, that's why he started being affectionate again. On MC's second attempt, he got his second wake-up call that he cannot truly force someone to be with him.

There's also one scene at the beginning where in MC's perspective, she thought ML didn't even treat her as a human because he never even considered that she will end her life. However, on ML's perspective, he also suffered even greater abuse than the MC but he processed his trauma differently and never went to the self-harming route so that could also be the reason it never crossed his mind that MC would try to end her life.

In a way, this is also a great depiction of how people process trauma differently and just because both received trauma does not mean they could easily emphatize or understand one another.

The fact that this happens to actual people and you see dumbfucks here blaming the man for not being able to stand up for himself (he's a victim of manipulation, his abuser could try to hurt the people trying to help him, he's already on the verge of mental breakdown) shows how terrible you are as people with an EQ of negative sum, I'm saying this coz my EQ is in the single digit but even I know not to victim blame abuse victims.