Actually falling out of it haha
Finallyyyy I'll get to share this without exposing my identity lmao this is gonna be embarassing and long
I'm 21 years old and am a female. So I don't really have much experience in love and everything that revolves around it.
17 is the age that I actually fell in love. And 20 is the age that I realized that I can fall out of it. We've been together for 3 years
I'm a 2nd year college student when we had a relationship. He was my first boy friend, first kiss, and the first guy that I told those 3 words. And yes, I gave him all of my firsts. (Which I actually regret)
Why do I regret that I gave him 'that'. My first time was in our bathroom. And I didn't know that time that that was it because I didn't actually bled. The 2nd time, I cried, saying that I am scared, of pregnancy, of being caught by my family (we're not legal), of everything, and because he has an attitude of getting mad whenever I don't do what he wants... That's why I cried, scared of him to be mad at me, though he didn't get mad at that time, but eventually we did it. In our bathroom. That sucked, but I loved him at that time.
It was totally different from what I actually read from mangas and seen in movies. But I thought that it was reality. But it'a not the reality that I dreamt of.
That went on for 2 years - us doing it secretly in our bathroom, I think we did it in bed is no more than 5 times I guess?! To the point when I constantly lie to him about my schedule and everything just so we couldn't do it. Yes, it's my fault that I didn't tell him about me not liking to do it with him. It didn't really feel good at all! Totally different from mangas. I mean I hate it now because I feel sore after we do it, is that normal?! Or do I have wound or what? Lmao i don't really have information about it.
On our 3rd year, I've grown and I had known what I want to do and not want to do. So I told him that I don't like to do it, not until I graduate so we can be actually legal to both our parents (which is 5-6 months ahead) but he refused. That's my breaking point, wondering if he actually respects me (as to he gets shy when my mom is around so he ends up not greeting her at least) and that he always gets mad whenever I can't do what he wanted. I asked myself, do men really just want to do it all the time when they're alone? Not intended to be rude to the other gender but why don't I like to do it whenever we're together. It's like he couldn't spare a moment that we could just cuddle and talk comfortably. ╥﹏╥ or am I the one who is weird? And this situation is the reason why I fell out of love.
To be honest I have been blaming myself why I fell out of love. Even asking myself, why should I fall in love when I can actually fall out of it.
But I just like to think that this decision is for myself. It is because I came to realization that I have to give respect o myself, to be my own, to actually have plans in my life, and to love myself.
This I do not regret, having to meet him. What I regret is that I let him treat me that way. I'm happy that I realized this because I get to see how I want to be treated by the person I will love in the future, well if there will be. Tbh I actually set uo my plan that I will not do it until we're married, I'd like to believe that the next person will actually respect and wait for me.
So to whoever reads to this point, thank you for listening to me. I never told anyone about this. I'm keeping this for a year now. And it's okay to get out in a relationship that doesn't let you grow. I hope you're not stuck in a bad relationship. Love and live well!
Falling in love is okay, grow with it.
Falling out of love is okay, learn from it.
Not falling in love is okay, love yourself.
Messages
I’m 18 right now, and I’ve never fallen in love with anyone. I’m just really paranoid. The idea of the whole idea of “love” scares me. Falling in love with someone makes me think of all the negative consequences. Like they don’t reciprocate your feelings. But if if they do, then you’re stuck in this vortex where you think of nothing but them, and you’re basically “whipped” and have no control over yourself. Or that you lose your feelings for them over time and end up breaking up, the heartache of that will probably be too much for me to bear. I don’t see the point of going through that suffering. I’ve seen it happen to many people around me everywhere, and I don’t want to experience it. But at the same time, I do. But if I do, I am scared of having to dedicate half my time just for them, when I barely have enough time for myself. I’m always thinking about my future, and ideally, I would want to start a family with someone. But I’m scared that the person I love will change after marriage, because you know how sometimes that happens to unfortunate people. You think that that person is the right one for you; but when you are officially and fully theirs, they will treat you badly and that’s why domestic abuse exists. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t know.
Tl;dr: Love is scary and complicated.
Yup Love is really scary and complicated. Even after marriage, my parents had problems about 3rd parties, my grandparents are just together because they're old and that 'commitment' they swore when they got married, I can early see that there's no love at all right now.
But you're still 18, I do hope you won't deny when love comes to you. I think it's okay to be hurt, as for me, I was hurt but I have grown and I now know what I want.
When I fell in love, I was naive and I didn't know anything at all. That's why all of those things happened. But now I may not know everything about it, but I know myself at least. I hope when you fall in love, you won't get swayed to what your lover wants, I hope you get to be treated right. (´∀`) Love is wonderful. I had bad experience but I had good experience with it too!
im 17 right now and just started dating my bf 6 months ago. he doesnt respect when I dont want to do anything either. i'm still a virgin but I have done other things with him. All of them starting out with me saying no.
Get a therapist if you can I have talked things out with her and it helps
hopefully we'll both find better people
Thank you I really wanted to talk about it with other people in real life, too.
And yeees, I hope we find a lover who'll treat us better. It really does give us an negativr impact if we're forced to do things. Still, I'm trying to not think too much about it so I could move on from it.